i tried my hardest to make it past the first chapter.. but sadly i could not do it. redemption2, i found your work to rather dialogue oriented. lack of scene description really makes the story feel so empty. all i read for the first twenty or so lines was dialogue, with the occasional character actions here and there. and at that point, i could not read any longer, because it just didn't flow right. from what i read, adam DID seem like a gary stu... i mean the guy who's been in a SHELTER for a year... a teen, somehow kills two police officers. like motteh said, his participation feels forced and his actions too unbelievable.

this may seem harsh, but just a critique. just to make one thing clear, flame != critique. i could really go into detail of stuff that just didnt feel right about the first chapter, but i couldn't make it farther than a quarter of the first chapter so i'll stop here.